


It's a girl!

by daniellemydear



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, F/M, Gen, and it's not as much of a surprise as it should be, putting the fun in dysfunctional family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-04
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-15 15:19:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniellemydear/pseuds/daniellemydear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you make a family, sometimes you find a family, and sometimes it wanders in the back door when you're not paying attention.<br/>In which Tony discovers Darcy is his daughter, and Steve is never going to call him Dad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Could Be Worse, It Could Be A Tail...

**Author's Note:**

> So no new chapter of V is for Victory this week (for reasons you can find on my tumblr if you’re really interested, my username is colorofangels on there) But have a little something new instead! I actually started writing this before V consumed my muse so it’s been sitting on my hard drive for awhile. 
> 
> I have to give big thanks to enigma-eggroll for beta-ing this, and you all should too since this was the first thing I wrote after a very long hiatus from writing and it was really rough before she whipped it into shape. And I also have to dedicate this to my boo Tash since he is the one who encouraged me to write this and had to talk me down from several ledges when I was sure I had lost all abilities to write and I was freaking out about timelines and basically wanted to set my laptop on fire… 
> 
> Okay if you’re still reading this take a virtual cookie and I hope you enjoy!

“Hey kiddo,” Tony greeted Darcy as he waltzed into the small non-descript SHIELD office. He immediately owned the room, just as he did every room he walked into, even though the only things currently occupying the space were Darcy, a desk, a couple filing cabinets and an obviously plastic ficus.

“Yo, Tony,” Darcy replied easily.

“I like this whole naughty secretary look you’ve got going on here,” he mentioned, observing her from over his signature sunglasses, taking in her black pencil skirt and pinstriped vest over a white cap sleeved blouse. Her ever-present glasses and her bright red lipstick completed the illusion. 

“Why thank you,” Darcy said genuinely pleased by his compliment. As the junior SHIELD-Avengers liaison, she split her time between the SHIELD offices and AvengersTower, where Tony was used to seeing her, and where the dress code was far more casual. “It’s the new office look I’m cultivating. Check it out,” she added lifting one ankle to show off her new pumps. “Even my heels are pinstriped. Pepper helped me pick them out.”

“Well Ms. Potts will never steer you wrong on the subject of footwear.”

“Yes, she definitely is the consummate authority on the topic,” Darcy agreed. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Don’t you know?” Tony returned her question. “You're Little Miss Liaison, shouldn’t you be liaisoning?” 

“Well, I know why I’m here, I just don’t know why you’re here,” she replied, trying to remember if there was anything on the team agenda that would bring Tony into the office today. She couldn’t think of anything, and that made her cranky. This was her job to know after all and she didn’t enjoy being out of the loop.

“I’m here because Pepper called me from Rome this morning to tell me I had a Very Important Meeting at ten with Coulson that I was absolutely not allowed to blow off, and believe me the capitalization was implied,” Tony told her, dropping into the chair next to Darcy. “These chairs are ergonomically unacceptable,” he muttered, taking off his sunglasses and tucking them into an interior pocket of his suit jacket. “Why, are you here?”

“I’m here,” she said bringing up the calendar on her work tablet to confirm that she knew nothing of Tony’s meeting, “because _I_ have a ten o clock meeting with Coulson about the results of my blood test I had to get after I got bitten my Mr. Squeekers last week.”

“What the hell is Mr. Squeekers?”

“Oh, he’s one of Dr. Banner’s lab rats,” she answered absently, still distracted by her tablet. Not that Tony minded, his phone had been out from the moment he sat down.

“You’re not going to try to convince me that Bruce named one of his lab rats Mr. Squeekers?” Tony looked up from whatever he was doing on his phone disbelievingly.

“No, don’t be silly,” Darcy shot back.  “He insists on calling them by their trial numbers, even though I took the time to learn all their little ratty personalities and do him the favor naming them. Mr. Squeekers and Baron Von Fromage are my two favorites.”

“Of course they are,” Tony deadpanned. “And Bruce never mentioned to you that it might be a bad idea to play with the possibly irradiated experimental rodents?”

“Oh no, he told me a bunch of times,” Darcy admitted freely. “But Mr. Squeekers is just so cute with his fuzzy little ears. And he’s always been a complete sweetie, at least until the furry little jerk bit me last week.”

“That rat bastard!” Tony shot back, unable to resist.

“I know, right?” Darcy grinned at the pun, genuinely disappointed in herself that she hadn’t busted it out first. “But that’s why _I’m_ here. It still doesn’t explain why _you’re_ here for a meeting that _I_ as your liaison did not set up for you. Or,” she blanched as the reasons for her own meeting suddenly caught up with her, “why they wouldn’t just tell me over the phone if everything is peachy with a side of keen, and why didn’t they call me up to medical if there was something wrong. Why am I meeting with Agent Coulson?”

Tony frowned at the young woman across from him. She wasn’t exactly wrong. “Are you feeling okay? Not developing any weird symptoms or mutations? You’re not growing a tail are you?” he asked, tipping back in his chair, presumably to look for the aforementioned tail.

“No, I’m not growing a tail!” Darcy exclaimed both hands flying to the back of her skirt, horrified at the thought of it. “And besides, if I was mutating they would have called Bruce, not you, don’t you think?” It was both a statement and a request for reassurance.

“Right, I’m sure Coulson just overbooked himself,” Tony told her in what passed in his world for comforting. “In which case, I’m going first. I have an eleven o clock with some investors that I plan on skipping to play some one on one with Happy.”

“This is Phil Coulson, Agent of SHIELD, we’re talking about,” Darcy interjected. “Do you really think he double booked a meeting?”

“You have a point,” he admitted, “but he’s also never late and it’s now 10:03, so there is a first time for everything.”

Darcy nodded and swallowed hard, chipping at the nail polish on her thumb – a nervous habit she just couldn’t manage to break.

“So… Words With Friends?” Tony asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

“Oh you're so on,” Darcy replied, already pulling out her iPhone that Tony glared at every time he saw it. But she repeatedly told Tony, until Stark phones came with fun novelty cases that she could switch out as the mood struck, she was going to stick with trusty Apple phone which was currently sporting a pair of silicone rabbit ears.

When she lay down the word QUAINT for a totally awesome 50 points – having hit both double letter and double word tiles – she idly wondered how this became her life. Not just that she was playing Words with Friends with Iron Man, who was currently bemoaning the fact that apparently the app dictionary did not include words he knew were words, because he had invented them and muttering that they would soon be receiving a strongly worded email or maybe he would just create a hack to add them in himself, but all of it.

It turned out that graduating Summa Cum Laude with a BS in Political Science and having tased a Norse god were the proper qualifications for an entry level position with SHIELD. Although she had her suspicions that it was only because the MIB weren’t sharing certain Neuralyzer tech so that they couldn’t erase the second qualification. But Darcy wasn’t about to complain. A totally kick ass job right out of College that she didn’t even have to apply or interview for? She wasn’t stupid. Summa Cum Laude, remember?

The first eight months of her time at SHIELD had actually been bitterly boring. As a low-level paper pusher, she had done just that – low-level paper pushing. It wasn’t until almost six month after the battle of New York, as the media called it, when Thor returned to Earth having repaired the bifrost with the Tesseract, and started showing up at her cubical on a regular basis, that she captured her superiors’ attention. Apparently, being best friends with a god’s girlfriend was the quickest way to move up the ranks. Her easy association with Thor and the rest of his teammates – since Jane was not good at social interaction without moral support – got her name to grace lips far up on the SHIELD food chain. But it was the PR miracle and accompanying cover of the Avenger’s little Halloween incident, that got her formally assigned as the Junior SHIELD-Avengers liaison. Which has been her official job title for the past seven and a half months.

Her direct superior was Agent Coulson, but since he usually concerned himself with things way above her pay grade, he awarded her with a remarkable amount of freedom, leaving Darcy to deal with the day to day happenings of the Avengers as she saw fit. What it basically coiled down to was that they were her responsibility when they weren’t actively saving the world. So, while she had a cool job title, the description was a bit more vague and as a result, her duties varied from everything from Superhero wrangler/baby sitter, to public relations, to pop culture educator, to cover story writer. Basically, she was whatever the team needed from her at the moment and Darcy was glad she had a good face for them because she wore a lot of different hats.

She had just realized that she could use her blank tile, two C’s, O, X, and a Y already on the board for a totally awesome scoring COCCYX, when Coulson finally decided to join them. He was a shockingly full seventeen minutes late.

“I apologize for my tardiness,” Coulson said, entering his office, carrying a single manila folder. “I wanted the boys in the lab to triple check their findings before bringing them to your attention.”

“Oh my god I’m _am_ going to grow a tail aren’t I?!” Darcy exclaimed, her phone sliding right out of her hand and hitting the floor with a dull thud.

“No,” Coulson replied, almost showing an emotion at her, at least to him, complete non sequitur.

“Oh well that’s a relief. I just bought these really cute vintage cords from the thrift store up on 143rd and 17th, and a tail would make them bulgy in places they should _not_ be bulgy,” she informed them, leaning forward to swipe her phone off the ground from where it slid underneath Coulson’s desk.

Coulson, in classic Agent form, did not deign to respond to Darcy’s comment. “When your DNA was input into the database, it kicked out some surprising results. It turns out that Ms. Darcy Lewis is a direct biological descendent to Mr. Howard Stark. His granddaughter actually. Which would make you-”

“Related,” Tony cut in, not willing to define it any more narrowly than that at this juncture.

Darcy’s head shot up, unfortunately she was still half under her boss’s desk and her head slammed, painfully, into the edge nearly upsetting the pencil cup that sat on the corner. Coulson’s hand not shot out and saved it with his ninja agent skills.

“Her father most likely,” Coulson stated unemotionally. He glanced away from Stark to give Darcy a cursory once over to make sure she hadn’t concussed herself.

“But not necessarily,” Tony replied in the same measured tone, “besides, I’ve heard you talk about your parents haven’t I Darce?” He turned to look at her when she didn’t respond. “Darcy, isn’t that right? Tell Agent you already have parents,” he said again, snapping his fingers a couple of times to get her attention.

“My Mom married my Step-Dad when I was still a baby. I never knew my birth father, but it never mattered to me, my Dad was always my Dad,” Darcy answered flatly, barely above a whisper. She was more than a little shell shocked by both this revelation and the blow to the head.

“It’s just as likely that I had an illegitimate brother who fathered our dear Darcy,” Tony pointed out, not about to let Darcy’s admission derail his point of view.

“That is true,” Coulson conceded. “And since, for some reason, we don’t have your DNA on file Mr. Stark-”

“Good!”

Coulson continued on as if he had not been interrupted, opening the bottom drawer of his desk to retrieve a plastic bag, “this was as close as we can tell. I anticipated that you would want further investigation into this matter. I brought a kit so we could settle this matter as quickly and efficiently as possible.”

“Fantastic,” Tony said, snatching the bag full of cotton swabs and sterile containers from Coulson’s desk. “But I’ll have my own labs process the results. I rather like not being in SHIELD’s oogy boogy system, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“As you wish Mr. Stark.”

Darcy was still holding her head, staring at nothing, mouth gaping. So it was more than a surprise when Tony reached over to swab the inside of her cheek.

“Oh my god, Tony!” Darcy exclaimed at his rude method of pulling her out of her stupor. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s typically considered polite to warn a girl before shoving something in her mouth?”

“You know, I have heard that before,” Tony replied with a smirk that quickly faded. Sexual innuendo with his might be daughter was probably not appropriate. Even by his standards.

“Why does that not surprise me,” Darcy shot back. “So just to reiterate, I’m not growing a tail right?”

“Both of you get out of my office,” Coulson ordered, his part in this done, at least for now. He was fairly confident hosting long lost family reunions was not within his job description.

It was a long, silent walk through the labyrinth that was SHIELD’s office space back to Darcy’s lightly used desk. Sitting heavily in her chair, she looked up at Tony with mild surprise in her eyes. It was like she hadn’t noticed him walking her back to her cubical or maybe she wasn’t sure what he was doing hovering around her desk.

“You know, it really doesn’t matter at this point,” Darcy finally broke the awkward silence. “It’s a little late in the game for a change in the lineup to really make any difference,” she said vaguely, knowing that walls have ears, a fact exponentially true when you work in a building full of super spies.

Tony nodded, but didn’t say anything as he leaned one hip against the half wall at the opening to her cubical. He was staring hard at something and Darcy followed his line of sight to a picture she had on her desk of herself and her dad on her sixteenth birthday. They were in front of her vintage yellow VW Bug, which he had restored for her as her gift. It was the last picture she had of the two of them –  he passed away three months later of an undiagnosed heart defect.

Choosing not to try to decipher what could possibly be going through Tony’s mind – it would only give her a headache – Darcy continued speaking. “You could just dump that in the trash on your way out,” she nodded at the slight bulge in his well-tailored suit that concealed the DNA test supplies, “and we can keep on keeping on with the status quo.”

“I’m not good at status quo,” Tony said forcibly tearing his gaze away from the photo to look at Darcy. “And I’m worse at not knowing. I have to know, knowing is what I do.”

It was Darcy’s turn to nod silently; these were all things she already knew to be true. 

Tony took her nod as one of agreement, or maybe just acceptance, either way it ended in the same result for him. “Alright then,” he said, clapping his hands together, his entire demeanor changing like a flip of a switch.  Gone was the introspective man who had just received possibly life changing news and back was Tony Stark genius/mogul extraordinaire. “I’ll have my boys take care of this,” he patted the pocket of his coat, “and why don’t you come by the tower for dinner. Pepper left for Rome this morning so we’re going to order pizza since there won’t be anyone to glare disapprovingly at our poor dietary choices and life decisions.”

“Yeah okay,” Darcy agreed matching his upbeat tone.

“Alright, I’ll see you later then kiddo.” It was a usual term of endearment of his for Darcy, but as now loaded word passed his lips without his express consent it made him choke on his own tongue a little.

“And there’s no point of freaking out about this until we know anything for certain, right?” Darcy added when she saw his reaction to his unintentional slip. She tried to keep her voice as steady and confident as possible, but she wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Tony or herself.

“You’re totally right,” Tony agreed. “So we’ll just wait to have any reactions about it until we know for sure. Not that it really makes a difference one-way or the other like you said. It’s just to know. Right?”

“Right. Because knowing is good. They say you should learn something new every day.”

“I don’t really think this situation is in the spirit of what they were talking about.”

“How do you know?” Darcy countered. “Do you know ‘they’ personally? If not, I’m just going to go with it, because knowledge is power, and live and learn, and an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

“Okay then.” Tony made the decision to just roll with that one. “I’ll see you tonight at the tower. It’s the awesome building with the big ‘A’ on top. You can’t miss it so try not to get lost this time,” he smirked reaching into his jacket to pull out his sunglasses.

“Hey!” Darcy exclaimed indignantly. “That was one time, and there was a lot of tequila involved and really it was not my fault. I am almost 97.4 percent sure that that cabbie was actually a secret agent for AIM, so really it was my duty to lead him away from the tower. You should be thanking me, I’m a hero.”

Tony just laughed and slid on his sunglasses before turning on one heel and striding towards the elevator.

Darcy waited until he was fully out of sight before spinning around in her chair and literally head-desking, her forehead hitting the edge of her desk with a dull thud.

“Ow,” she whined, fairly confident that she was now going to have a bump on the front of her head to match the one on the back from when she hit Coulson’s desk earlier.

It was going to be a long rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it! I’ll be honest in that I’m not exactly sure when I’ll update next since I’m going to be focused on getting V is for Victory posted on schedule, so this is more like a sneak peak of this story, but I will tell you that the next chapter involves Steve, Darcy, Central Park and novelty ice cream so make of that of you will :) Let me know what you thought!


	2. Playing Hooky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget about this one either! This is for Tash who never lets me forget that he's the one I started this story for and then promptly neglected it :P This is unbeta-ed so let me know if you find any glaring errors and I'll be happy to get that sorted... I hope you all enjoy!

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“One of these days, I swear, I’m going to secretly switch you to half-caf.”

Darcy yelped and spun around in her desk chair, knocking her computer mouse onto the floor, slamming her bouncing knee against her cubical wall, and flinging the pen that she had been rattling repeatedly between her teeth across the room. She watched in horror as the pen seemed to fly in slow motion at the man who stood in the opening of her cubical. Luckily for her, that man was Steve Rogers, and he had his handy dandy super soldier reflexes and was able to snatch the pen from midair. Saving her from an afternoon of filling out a time consuming accident report and having to explain to Coulson why one of the analysts she shared a floor with was in medical getting a papermate surgically removed from their shoulder.

“Jesus Darcy, maybe decaf would be better,” Steve said, looking from the pen in his hand to his jittery friend, with wide eyes.

“Stay away from my coffee Rogers!” Darcy exclaimed, pulling the mouse out from under her desk as an excuse not to make eye contact. “I know where you sleep and have a taser that I’m not afraid to use.” It was a long standing joke between them, Steve threatening her daily caffeine intake. But even when she was on hour 36 of scientist watch, downing red eyes like they were water, she wasn’t usually this jumpy.

She chose to change the subject entirely.

“So Steve, what brings you to my humble half-walled home away from home?”

“My meeting with- ”

“Meeting?!” Darcy snapped her tablet up off her desk, her fingers flying over the surface as she pulled up her schedule. “Did I know about this meeting?” If she found out that her grandmother was one of Steve’s chorus girls and had a secret liaison with Captain America, she was getting on a plane and moving to Tibet and forgetting she ever met the Avengers.

“The meeting with the Director you called me yesterday to remind me that I had,”  
 he said slowly, his brow furrowed with genuine concern.  “We finished up earlier than I expected, so I came by to ask if you had eaten yet and wanted to get lunch. Are you alright Darcy? I was just joking about the coffee, but now I’m not so sure.”

Darcy forced herself to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Of course. I remember now. Sorry, I had a surprise meeting with Tony this morning and it threw off my whole day,” she said skirting around the truth.

“Say no more,” Steve replied, handing her pen back. He wasn’t convinced that was all of it, but he let it go for now, he was well aware that Tony could throw even the most unflappable off their game. “So, lunch?”

“God, yes.” She logged off her computer which was only on to give the pretense of actually working, and pulled her purse out of the bottom drawer of the file cabinet beneath her desk.

They chatted amiably as they moved through the veritable labyrinth of corridors that made up SHIELD’s New York headquarters to the employee cantina. Well, Steve was talking, Darcy was making what she hoped was appropriate noises.

Steve could dismiss the fact that she was quieter than usual on their walk to lunch, it was uncommon but not unheard of. Just as he chalked up the fact that Darcy didn’t announce her excitement to the room when she realized they were serving her favorite fried calamari for lunch and instead stood quietly in line, to her having a more trying than usual morning. But it definitely caught his attention when she didn’t even put up a token protest when he paid for both of their lunches. And when she didn’t perform her traditional cephalopod masterpiece theater with the pieces that still resembled actual squid, before she started nibbling on her fries, his former concern resurfaced in full force.

“Between looking for the Tesseract in Norway and the Arc of the Covenent in Egypt, the Nazi’s we’re really working on scooping up as many mystical artifacts as they could. Granted, I had my hands full with Schmidt and tracking him and Hydra all over Europe, but I had no idea what was going on in Africa. At least that Jones fella had it handled, I wouldn’t have minded having him in the Commandos even though he was a civilian.”

“Wait what?!” Darcy exclaimed, looking up from where she was absently making a tower of calamari rings, as she clued back into what Steve was talking about. “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark was not a documentary. And I warned Clint about what I’d do to him after I caught him trying to convince Thor that Independence Day was real and that was the actual reason we set of fireworks on the Fourth of July.”

“Relax Darcy. I know it was just a movie, I was just waiting to see how long it would take you to cotton on to what I was saying. You’ve been a thousand miles away since I walked through the door. What is up with you?”

“I’m sorry,” Darcy apologized chagrined, as she ran her hands through her hair. She knew she had good reason to be preoccupied, but that was no excuse to be rude to the most polite man she had ever known.  Well, polite when he wasn’t being a smart-mouthed little shit. An endearingly charming one, but still a little shit. Speaking of which, she looked up to see the shamelessly self-amused smirk he was currently wearing. “You are such a troll Steve Rogers,” she grumped throwing a French fry at his face, rolling her eyes when he caught it without so much as blinking. “And 98% of the people in this room have no idea that you’re really Captain Sassy Pants. What would they think if they knew?”

“They’d probably say that I’ve been hanging out you too much,” he shrugged, making Darcy laughed out loud at his undoubtedly true statement as she picked up her water bottle. “Well you and Tony both. I have been warned by multiple sources that you’re both professional bad influences. So you have that in common.”

She didn’t mean to do it, but when Steve called up her and Tony’s similarities, bringing her attention to the very thing she was trying so hard not to think about, she choked on the mouthful of water she was half way through swallowing, spraying a fine mist directly in Steve’s direction. He took his unscheduled shower in stride though, instead hovering over Darcy, concerned as she hacked and wheezed trying to expel the water that managed to go both up her nose and down into her lungs. He wanted to offer her more water but somehow that seemed counterproductive.

“Are you okay?” he asked, once Darcy seemed to be breathing with semi regularity. “What was that about?”

“I think I’ll live,” she confirmed, pounding on her chest. “I just forgot how to drink water there for a second.”

“Right…” Steve replied, not believing that there wasn’t more to it for a second. He watched Darcy toss her now soaked napkin onto her mostly untouched lunch. She was clearly done pretending she was going to actually eat lunch. “You know what, let’s get out of here.”

“Out of where?”

“Out of _here_ ,” he motioned to the building around them with his head, as he picked up both of their trays. “Let’s go find something fun to do.”

“I wish I could,” Darcy lamented. “But it’s not even noon.”

“So?” he asked, pushing back his chair and standing. “It’s a beautiful day. It’s almost criminal not to take advantage.”

Darcy cocked her head, as she followed him, not sure she was believing what she was hearing. “Are you seriously suggesting we play hooky?”

Steve just grinned and nodded, as they crossed the cafeteria.

“Some of us don’t save the world on a regular basis,” she felt the need to remind him.

“I’m not sure what that has to do with anything, but you’ll be in the company of someone who does.”

“And I’m not sure what _that_ has to do with it, except that you’ll have a front row seat when I get yelled at for ditching out half way through the work day.”

“If anyone asks, we’ll tell them that we’re on a field trip as a part of my reintegration to society,” Steve offered with a charming grin, as he threw away Darcy’s lunch and the trash from his. “That’s part of your job description isn’t it?"

“It _was_ ,” she said, one eyebrow raised dubiously. In fact that was the reason they were so close now. Even before she became the official Avengers Junior Liaison, when she found out that SHIELD had given Steve a laptop, showed him how to use the internet, bookmarked Wiki for him and basically left him to figure it out on his own, she decided that with her PolySci degree and love of all things pop culture she was the perfect person to get him caught up on the last seventy years. What started out as meeting a couple afternoons a week for lessons, evolved into the friendship they had now. “But except for the occasional pop culture reference or slang that passes you by, you’re pretty much as reintegrated as you’re going to get. And you have been for awhile now.”

“Yeah, except half the agents in this building don’t seem to believe that.” He rolled his eyes as they walked towards the elevator bank, “Everyone still looks worried when I use the coffee maker. If anyone wants to dispute the validity of our field trip I’ll just stare confused at the microwave in the break room tomorrow and call someone older than me ‘son’.”

Darcy threw back her head and laughed. She knew that Steve was more than sick of the man out of time shtick, but at least he still had enough good humor about it to use it to his advantage.

“You know the boss man would never go for that, he knows you too well and he’s the one that’s going to yell at me for slacking off.” Of course he might be more understanding than usual today, what with current circumstances, but Darcy was pointedly not thinking about that.

They stopped in front of the elevators and Darcy made to tap the up button that would take her back to her office, but Steve reached out and grabbed her hand before it got there.

“And I just signed his Captain America Issue #1 for him last week. Even if he got upset I think I could tell him it was my idea and you’d be safe from Agent Coulson as well. And quite honestly, as distracted as you’ve been since the moment I found you, you really think you were going to get any actual work done this afternoon?”

“I might,” she said with a suborn lift of her chin. Steve gave her his I’m-Captain-America-and-lying-to-me-is-unpatriotic look.  Yes, that was a specific look. “Okay probably not,” she amended.

“Alright then, let’s go.”

“Well you’ve really thought of every contingency,” Darcy shrugged lightly. “I guess I can’t say no.”

“You we’re going to say yes from the moment I suggested it,” Steve smirked, tapping the down button to call the elevator.  “You just wanted to make me work for it.”

“You think you’re so smart,” she shoved at his shoulder as she stepped onto the elevator, but didn’t bother denying his accusation. 

“I’ve got a highly strategic mind you know,” he grinned.

Darcy was already in better spirits by the time they reached the lobby and Steve was mentally congratulating himself on his idea when they pushed through the glass doors and out onto the street.

“Oh my god it’s so hot,” she whined as soon as they stepped out of range of SHIELD’s blessed climate controlling air conditioning.

“You’re from New Mexico, shouldn’t you used to the heat?” Steve asked, not bothered by the temperature in the least.

“Yeah, New Mexico, as in a dry arid desert. That I can handle. This humidity is the work of the devil. I swear I think if I inhale too deeply I’ll actually drown.”

“This actually isn’t too bad,” he mentioned. “It’s still early in the summer yet, and it rained a bit last night, and that brings the humidity down some.”

“You mean it gets worse?” Darcy asked her eyes wide with abject horror.

“Much,” he admitted.

“Cheese and crackers,” she moaned, ineffectually fanning herself with her SHIELD access badge. “Just kill me now, put me out of my misery.”

“What did you do last summer?” he asked genuinely curious given her reaction since he knew she had been living in the city for more than a year.

“Eh I’m pretty sure my brain blocked out the memories to protect me from the horrors that is the City in summer.”

“Oh, of course.” He responded as if selective amnesia was a common response to weather.

“And I made sweet sweet love to my apartment’s window AC unit.” She sighed heavily, “I love that thing so much I’m going to put a ring on it.”

It was a testament to his months of exposure to Darcy that his only reaction to her statement was a quick glance over to his companion and a good natured roll of his eyes as they walked.

“So now that we’re officially playing hooky, what are we doing for the rest of this hot and muggy day?”

“I hadn’t really thought that far ahead,” he admitted. “Whenever Bucky and I ditched out of school we normally went down to the docks to sketch and watch the boats come in.” Steve was quiet for a moment as he mused on those memories before he visibly shook them off and went back to the conversation at hand like he’d never been sidetracked. “But let’s head up to the park, I’ll buy you an ice cream to make up for the heat.”

“Oh ice cream!” Darcy chirped. “And can we go to the zoo?” she added hopefully, turning her best puppy eyes in his direction.  “I still haven’t been.”

“Only if you promise not to be disappointed,” he replied, having no problem taking her to the zoo, even if he could say no to that look.

“Why would I be disappointed?”

“Because it’s nothing like The Penguins of Madagascar,” he answered, one eyebrow quirked knowingly.

Darcy’s eyes narrowed indignantly. “I am aware that it’s a cartoon, not a documentary,” she retorted wryly. “And don’t judge, it’s a funny show, and I like watching cartoons while I eat breakfast." 

Steve was unphased by Darcy’s look of death. “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Consider myself warned.”

Steve just chuckled.

They walked up 7th toward the park and approached the ice cream vendor that was parked outside the south gate. They were next in line to order when Steve felt a tug on the hem of his shirt. Steve turned around and looked down to spot a small boy, he couldn’t have been more than six wearing a t-shirt with his shield emblem on the front.

“Are you Mister Captain America?” he asked in a small voice.

Darcy giggled before leaving Steve to his miniature fan so that she could order their ice cream. They usually didn’t have any problems being out and about in the city, Steve not being nearly as recognizable when he wasn’t clad in the stars and stripes. But occasionally someone picked him out of the crowd and she had noticed that four times out of five it was someone under the age of twelve that noticed him. Adults just did not give kids enough credit for being as observant as they are.

Steve was saying goodbye to his pintsize fan when Darcy approached them with their ice cream.

“I said I was going to buy, since it was my idea to leave the air conditioning.”

“Yeah well, you were busy, you can take care of the zoo admission,” she shrugged handing over the bar. “I got you strawberry shortcake.”

“My favorite,” he grinned, ripping off the wrapper and pitching it into the trash.

“I know,” she returned his grin with one of her own, following his lead.

“Is that…” he trailed off as he watched Darcy take a long lick of her ice cream.

“What?” she asked, her eyes wide with faux innocence.

“Is that me?” Her ice cream bar was clearly supposed to be a face wearing a blue helmet with a lopsided A and wonky blue eyes.

“I’m pretty sure it’s novelty ice cream,” she replied evenly.

“There’s ice cream in the shape of my face.”

Darcy wasn’t sure if it was a statement or a question.  “Your eyes are made of gumballs.”

“You're eating an ice cream bar in the shape of my face.” That one was definitely a statement.

“Your face is delicious,” she grinned, taking another long lick.

“I’m not entirely sure I’m comfortable with this.”

“You wanna taste?” Darcy asked, extending the confection in his direction, her face the picture of innocence belayed by the deviousness in her eyes.

Steve knew exactly what she was doing and ignored her completely. “Come on, if we hurry we can get there before the Delacorte clock goes off.”

Darcy just laughed as she followed him down the path, enjoying her ice cream all the more.

It wasn’t a large zoo, but that didn’t stop them from taking their time and enjoying themselves at all the exhibits. Darcy especially enjoyed watching the sea lions being fed, while Steve took his time to sketch the snow leopard in the moleskine he kept in his pocket.

“I wanna pet a goat,” Darcy announced after they both decided that a quick visit to the tropic zone was enough. It was hot and humid enough in New York that day, they didn’t need to spend long in a simulated rain forest.

“You want to what?” Steve asked, not sure he had heard her correctly.

“A goat,” she stated. “I want to pet one.”

Steve paused, trying to decide if that was possibly code for something, before it came to him. “You mean at the children’s zoo?”

“That is where they keep the goats that are available for petting,” she replied, the ‘ _duh_ ’ obvious in her tone.

Steve wasn’t sure why he was surprised and just shrugged. “Alright, if that’s what you want to do.”

Darcy practically skipped into enclosure with all the kids — of both the human and goat variety. Digging into her purse she found a couple of quarters and bought some feed out of the dispensers and quickly made some farm animal friends. She had no problem squatting down in the dirt despite the fact she was still in her work clothes and three inch heels.

Steve had never been more charmed.

Sitting down on a hay bale, Steve pulled his note book back out and quickly began a rough sketch, enough to give him a reference for later.

“Whatcha doing?” she asked curiously, looking up once she ran out of food and the goats had moved on to greener metaphorical pastures.

“I was just drawing you.”

“Oh like one of your- ”

“One of my French girls, yeah yeah,” he cut her off with a roll of his eyes.

“You know, sometimes I miss the day’s you didn’t know all my pop culture references,” Darcy sighed.

“I’m sure you do,” he smirked.

“Careful there Jack or you’re going to lose your sketch book, French girls and all,” Darcy warned with a smirk of her own.

Looking down Steve found a curious goat had wandered over and was attempting to nibble on the ribbon bookmark that was hanging over the back cover.

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed, gently pushing the small but stubborn animal away. “That’s not for you!”

Laughing, Darcy stood, clapping her hands together to dust off the remainders of the feed.  “Come on, the only thing we haven’t seen yet are the penguins.”

Steve offered an elbow, which Darcy was grateful to take. She’d become a pro at wearing heels to work, but they weren’t the shoes she’d have chosen to wear to the zoo. Luckily it wasn’t too far and quickly enough they were in the Penguin House watching the black and white birds chilling on the rocks and swimming through the water.

They’d been standing there for ten maybe fifteen minutes before Darcy let out an audible sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked looking down at his companion.

“You were right,” Darcy sighed again, tilting her head to lean against his shoulder. “It’s nothing like The Penguins of Madagascar.”

Steve laughed so loud that everyone in the room turned to look at them, which only made Darcy laugh too.

“It’s getting late, we should head back to the tower,” Steve said once he stopped laughing. “Pepper’s out of town so that always means that Tony’s going to order something that she wouldn’t approve of.”

Darcy’s back stiffened as all the things she had successfully managed to ignore the last couple hours came rushing back. Her reprieve was over. It was time to face the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you all think? This was just a bit of Steve/Darcy interlude before we dive back into the heart of the story in the next chapter when both Darcy and Tony have to come to grips with their new reality when the second DNA test comes back and shenanigans ensue :D


	3. Surprise I'm a Stark!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! Sorry I meant to have this up a couple days ago but my grandpa gave us a bit of a scare this week and ended up having a pacemaker put in Tuesday night. Don't worry he's already home and insisting he's perfectly fine and he doesn't need to take it easy, but it definitely threw off my week. 
> 
> Anyways instead this is up in celebration of Ant-Man! Who saw it last night and how awesome was it!? I wont give any spoilers but as I said on tumblr I thought it was an incredibly fun and funny movie and definitely a tonal relief considering its bookended by Ultron and Civil War... and lemme tell you both those after credits scenes left me very excited for two very different reasons... 
> 
> okay I'll stop talking and let you read... I hope you enjoy!

Steve and Darcy made it back to Avengers Tower just in time to intercept the delivery boys in the lobby.

“We’ll take that,” Steve said, already taking possession of the pile of pizzas.

Darcy signed for the delivery and tipped them both handsomely, before she followed suit and grabbed what Steve didn’t from the other delivery guy. As they traversed the crowded lobby to the private access elevator, she couldn’t decide if the two guys had looked more thankful to be relieved of their burdens, star stuck by the fact that it was Captain America who was doing so, or disappointed that they weren’t going to be let into the Avengers inner sanctum.

“I sure hope Tony ordered enough food,” Darcy said, as she shifted the brown paper grocery bag in one arm which she was fairly confident held twenty pounds of garlic knots, so she could readjust the plastic bag which she was pretty sure was Natasha’s veggie calzone.

“Well we could always order a round two,” Steve said peering around the rather precarious tower of pizza boxes he was hidden behind, to spot the bemused look on Darcy’s face. “Oh. You were being sarcastic.”

Darcy didn’t have time to respond with what was sure to be a pithy response because the elevator slowed to a stop on the floor which the team had dubbed the Commons.

She was going to ask JARVIS to alert the team that dinner had arrived, but she didn’t have a chance to do that either. It appeared that the lure of greasy Brooklyn pizza and expensive booze was enough to bring all the Avengers plus Jane out of their respective corners of the tower. When the elevator opened with its tonal chime and exposed Steve, Darcy, and all their food, a round of enthusiastic greetings sounded from the group.

“I feel like I’m on Cheers,” Darcy said, handing off her bags to Thor who had quickly crossed the room to take them from her and followed Steve to the table to put the food down.

“Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name!” Clint sang at her from where he was sitting on top of the bar, a bottle of the craft brew he liked raised in a toast to her. “And they're always glad you came!”

“I’d feel more special if I knew you were just as excited to see me as you were to see the food,” Darcy retorted with a roll of her eyes as she kicked off her shoes.

“I think it’s both,” Jane said, her grin a little sloppy as she passed in front of Darcy on her way to grab plates for the group.

“Come on Lewis, you too Rogers,” Clint called bringing her attention back to him, waving another bottle of beer in her direction. “You’re behind, you need to catch up!”

Steve looked over his shoulder, shrugged and took the drink Thor was pressing into his hand. The flask in the God of Thunder’s other hand told her that whatever was in it, wasn’t likely to be something you could find at bodega on the corner.

Darcy looked around and saw that in fact everyone had a drink in hand and while nobody seemed to be actually drunk, most of them clearly had a fairly good buzz going. The exceptions being Bruce who was holding a hard cider, but who she knew from experience had probably been nursing the same one for an hour, and Natasha, who was assuredly keeping right up with everyone else, but was as composed as always.

“How long have you guys been pre-partying?” Darcy asked, confused. “Are we day drinkers now?” Sure team Avengers could party with the best of them but generally not on a random Thursday afternoon.

“Tony called an early halt to all things Science today,” Bruce explained, coming to stand next to her as the room kicked into a flurry of activity as everyone rearranged furniture, made sure everyone had the correct dishware, and unpacked food. “His words not mine,” he clarified when Darcy raised an eyebrow at his phrasing. “He insisted Jane and I accompany him up here for drinks, or he’d lock down the labs for the week. Of course Thor and Clint hardly had to be persuaded to join us, and Natasha came along with them.”

Darcy scanned the room making eye contact with Tony who had already been looking right back at her from where was lurking at the bar with a glass of scotch in hand. They both glanced away quickly. “How long has everyone been at it?” she asked turning her attention back to Bruce.

“Since shortly after lunch. It’s actually been a pretty good time,” he said with a shrug, before moving towards the table.

Everyone was settling in around the table with their food, still sorting out the flavors, passing boxes with everyone’s favorites to them, when Jarvis announced that there was a Stark Industries messenger waiting in the lobby. Darcy, whose butt had barely touched her seat jumped back up so fast everyone paused what they were doing to look at her.

“I’ll go down,” she volunteered quickly, not only knowing what the messenger was bringing, but also secure in the knowledge that she only trusted about half the team not to snoop before they brought the package upstairs. Without waiting for acknowledgement from the team or bothering to take the time to put her heels back on, she ran to the elevator and went down stairs barefoot.

She was barely gone long enough for her to make it down to the lobby before Tony’s phone rang. His hands full of greasy deliciousness, he hit the speaker button with his knuckle. “Tony,” Darcy barked before he even said hello, “your SI minion won’t give me the envelope. He said it’s because it’s marked classified and I told him its classified information about me and I’m allowed to know about me, but he won’t listen. And I swear to Thor’s dad that he should be thanking his lucky stars that I left my purse upstairs or else he would be twitching on the ground right now.”

Everyone at the table could actually hear the death glare that Darcy was giving the messenger in her voice.

“Hand him the phone.” Tony paused to give her time to do so, “Do you recognize my voice?”

“Yes sir, you’re Mr. Stark sir.”

“Good, now give her the damn envelope or you’re fired.”

“Y-yes sir!” The poor unidentified Stark Industries intern stuttered. He instantly regretted thinking that he might get brownie points for volunteering to drop off the rushed lab results his boss’s, boss’s, boss wanted on his way home from work.

“God, I need better minions,” Tony muttered, even though technically he had been right to withhold what was sensitive information.

“Thanks Tony!” Darcy’s voice came back over the speaker. “I’m coming back up.”

Tony hung up the phone and went back to his pizza, taking an absurdly large bite, choosing to studiously ignore that everyone else’s curiosity had been piqued by what was an unusual exchange, even by this group’s standards.

It was only another moment before Darcy came bounding out of the elevator a manila folder clasped tightly in both hands. She walked over to where everyone was assembled around the pizza boxes and just kind of hovered at the edge of the group not sure what to do now.

“So what’s the verdict?” Tony finally asked, after a moment of watching her awkwardly shifting from foot to foot out of the corner of his eye.

“I didn’t look yet.”

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

“Do you want me to read it here, in front of everyone?” she asked unsure, looking decidedly green.

“Might as well,” he shrugged, looking a little paler than normal himself. “They’ll all find out eventually. I’m not good at secrets.”

“Which is why it’s so comforting that you are a part of a top secret organization charged with the planet’s safety,” Natasha quipped, picking a green pepper out from her calzone and popping it in her mouth.

“Yes, and there’s also a great big A for Avengers on top of the building you’re sitting in. Not exactly keeping things on the DL,” Tony retorted.

“What dost DL stand in place for?” Thor asked not familiar with that particular acronym.

“Down low,” Jane answered around a mouthful of her spinach and olive pizza. “It means keeping something quiet.”

Steve who had also lifted his head at the thunder god’s question, nodded to himself, he had been pretty sure that’s what it meant, but he always liked reinforcement on current slang.

While this mundane, at least for superheroes, exchange was going on, Darcy ripped open the manila folder and pulled out a remarkably thick packet of paper for what was really just a yes or no answer. Annoyed, she flipped through the packet skimming for key words in the genetics jargon having to go all the way to the last page before she found the results she cared about.

“Congratulations Tony,” Darcy announced bringing the room’s attention back to her. “It’s a girl.”

Clint, who had at that moment chosen to take a big swig of his beer, promptly sprayed it all over poor Bruce who had the misfortune of sitting across from the archer. “Holy shit! You got Darcy pregnant!?”

“You got my girl pregnant?!” Steve exclaimed, unconsciously squeezing the glass in his hand so hard it shattered.

“Wait, I’m your girl?” Darcy asked, her attention snapping to the now soggy Captain, suddenly finding this much more relevant to her interests then the question of her paternity.

“A BABY IS A JOYOUS OCCASION!” Thor boomed happily, before turning to Jane and asking in a not so quiet aside, “But should he not be producing heirs with the Lady Pepper instead.”

“There’s no baby!” Tony shouted before Steve, Natasha and perhaps most surprisingly Bruce, who were all looking dangerous, leapt across to the table to strangle him with their bare hands. Or smash him with a one giant green hand in Bruce’s case.

“Well technically there was a baby,” Darcy interjected, coming back to the issue at hand. “Twenty three years ago,” she added quickly when she realized that the first half of her comment could be even taken as even more inflammatory. “Surprise, I’m a Stark!” She felt her jazz hands were the right punch to go along with her declaration.

That effectively silenced all the grumbling, muttering, and side conversations in the room.

“How the hell did that happen?” Clint finally asked, giving voice to what everyone was wondering.

“It’s a long story,” Tony said waving a negligent hand as he went back to his sausage and mushroom pizza, feeling more confident that a assassination attempt was not in his immediate future.

“Tony fucked my mother twenty four years ago,” Darcy answered, tossing the DNA results on the counter before snagging an entire Canadian bacon and pineapple pie and choosing to perch on the counter, there was still plenty of room squeeze in at table, it being designed to accommodate all the Avengers and their adjacents, but she felt the need for a little bit of breathing room.

“Apparently not that long.” Tony amended.

“But how did you learn about this now?” Bruce asked.

“Remember when Mr. Squeekers bit me last week?” Darcy responded, tossing a chunk of pineapple up in the air and catching it in her mouth.

“Yes, and I warned you about-”

Darcy cut him off before he could scold her on proper lab procedures and safety again. “My blood work kicked back some interesting results. Coulson told us this morning, but we did another DNA test just to be sure.”

“Oh my god Darcy!” Jane exclaimed in shock, her cheeks which had already been pink from the alcohol in her system, were now a flaming red. “This is huge! I mean wow! How do you feel about this?”

“Honestly, it kind of explains a lot,” she shrugged, seemingly unworried about these unexpected turns of events. And to be honest she was, the uncertainty was what had been getting to her all day. Now that she knew for sure and it was out in the open, she found herself remarkably Zen about the whole situation.

“Darcy does seem to make a strong case for nature vs. nurture, at least as far as personality is concerned,” Natasha said looking back and forth between the newly revealed father and daughter.

“Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of that this explains why when I told my mother I was going to be working with the Avengers, her first concern wasn’t my safety like I figured it would be,” she said shoving half a pizza crust in her mouth at once. “Since on a normal day she could win awards in over protectiveness.”

“What was her first concern?” Steve asked, waiting until she had chewed and swallowed.

“Oh, she made me repeatedly promise that I would NOT, under absolutely any circumstances, sleep with Tony Stark. She was weirdly vehement about it. I figured it was because of your whole playboy reputation. It never occurred to me that her actual concern might be incest,” she said her nose wrinkled up at the idea.

“And what did you say to that?” Clint asked, enjoying this all far too much.

“I told her not to worry because one, Pepper. And two, _ewww_ , since ya know, he’s old enough to be my father.”

“Hey!” Tony spun around in his chair, insulted. “I am not old.”

“Hey, yourself!” Darcy retorted, throwing a chunk of pineapple at him. “Not only was I right about you being old enough to be my father, in case you missed the announcement, you are my father.”

“Okay yes,” he conceded as threw a sausage back at her in retaliation. “But I’m hardly _ewww_.”

“Fine Tony, if I had grown up with you I’m sure you would have been the sexiest Dad at parent teacher night,” Darcy conceded, hopping off the counter to get herself one of the cider’s Bruce was drinking.

“Damn straight. Calling me old, honestly, before Pepper I slept with women younger than you,” he muttered.

“And that’s why they call them Daddy issues,” Darcy snarked from inside the fridge, making assorted Avengers not even bother to try to hide their laughing.

“Hey!” Tony exclaimed again, as Darcy retook her perch on the counter. “Wanna talk about issues, your boyfriend was friends with your grandfather. How do you feel about that?”

Steve choked on a garlic knot, Thor coming to his aid with a few enthusiastic thumps on his back. “Please don’t bring me into this,” he pleaded once he cleared his airway, and recovered from Thor’s ‘help’.

“There is so much wrong with this conversation it’s not even funny,” Natasha said, stealing a sip of Clint’s drink.

“And yet so much better than Dog Cops,” Clint replied, watching with avid interest.

“I’m sorry can we go back to the part where Tony is Darcy’s father?!” Jane asked still having a hard time grasping this information.

“What about it?” Darcy asked genuinely.

“You find out that Tony Stark is your biological father and all you can think of is oh yay pizza!?” Jane said pointing to the box Darcy was hording on her lap.

“Well I didn’t really eat lunch, I’m hungry,” she shrugged. “Besides what am I supposed to do?” Darcy continued. “Throw myself onto Tony’s lap and cry about finally finding my long lost Daddy? If you’re really expecting that, you clearly don’t know me that well. I have to pee, I’ll be back,” she announced hopping off the counter and heading down the hall.

“Why don’t you think Darcy’s mom contacted you?” Natasha asked, only saying what they were all thinking. “Obviously she knew who you were.”

“There’s one way to find out,” he replied, very much wanting to know the same thing. “JARVIS, retrieve her mother’s phone number from Darcy’s SHIELD emergency contact list.”

“Would you like me to place the call sir?” JARVIS responded only moments later.

“If you would, J,” Tony said wiping the grease off his hands before picking up his phone.

“Calling Susan Lewis.”

The phone rang five and a half times and Tony half expected it to go to voice mail before it cut off mid ring.

“Hello?” a woman’s sleepy voice answered.

“Yes, is this Susan Lewis, mother to Darcy Lewis?” Tony asked.

“Yes it is. Oh god this is a New York area code is she okay?!” Darcy’s mother asked, panic entering her tone.

“Darcy’s fine, in the bathroom actually, girl has the bladder of a hamster.”

“Okay, then who is this and why are you calling me?”

“Oh, I suppose you don’t recognize my voice. This is Tony Stark.”

Everyone in the room could hear the sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line, since Tony was courteous – or rude enough (depending on your point of view) – to keep the call on speaker.

“I’m calling because I’ve fallen madly in love with your daughter.”

“What?!”

“Oh, Tony no,” Bruce groaned disapprovingly, matching the looks both Jane and Steve were giving him.

“Yes, it might seem sudden, but I wanted you to be the first to know that we’re getting married. I know she didn’t want to tell you because she felt you would disapprove of our age difference, but I’m really hoping that you’ll come to accept us in time,” Tony continued smoothly. “If not for us, at least for the baby’s sake.”

“TONY STARK!” Darcy shouted coming back into the common room just in time to hear the lies he was telling her mother.

“I just wanted to assure you that I will take excellent care of my fam- ufffff.” Tony never got to finish his sentence since Darcy had taken a running leap onto his back and sent them both sprawling to the ground, wrestling for possession of the phone.

“I’m going to light you up like a Christmas tree Stark!” she screamed. “I know where you sleep and you made my tazer so you know how powerful it is!”

“Jesus Christ Darcy!” Tony grunted, as he tried to keep the phone away from her. “No more play dates with the assassins, it’s making you very violent!”

Darcy took another swipe at the phone, but sent it skittering across the floor instead. The cell coming to rest at Thor’s feet.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!” Darcy’s mother’s screeched from the unattended phone, prompting Thor to pick it up.

“Greetings, Mother of the fair Lady Darcy. It has been quite the eventful evening, I am not sure where you would like me to start.”

“Give me the phone Thor!” Darcy shouted, using Tony’s back for leverage as she pushed herself off the floor and ran across the room.

“Of course my dear friend,” Thor agreed immediately, handing Tony’s phone over to the incensed brunette. He may be immortal, but he was not stupid.  
Quickly taking it off speaker, Darcy lifted the phone to her ear. “Hi Mom!” she said brightly, walking away from the group slightly to give her a bit more privacy even though they were all listening to her side of the conversation with an intensity that the majority of them would deny later.

“No mom I promise I’m not doing some weird gender switched Oedipus Rex thing. Tony’s just an asshole….” There was a pause in the conversation as Darcy listened to whatever her mom was saying. “Yes, we know...” another pause. “We found out tonight…. I promise nothing has ever happened…. It’s just Tony’s idea of humor, cause he’s a gigantic dick sometimes…. It’s a long story which I will call you tomorrow _when you’re not trying to sleep_ …” she turned to glare over her shoulder at Tony when she said that. “We can talk about it tomorrow…. No Mom, it’s okay… I understand… it really doesn’t matter, but we’ll talk tomorrow I promise… I’m not mad at you… I love you and I’ll call you tomorrow…. Okay… okay… okay… okay Mom. Bye… bye… okay bye… yeah tomorrow. Bye.”

“What the flying fuck was that about?!” Darcy shouted, rounding on Tony.

“I called to ask her why she never informed me about you, and I got distracted,” Tony shrugged nonchalantly.

“So you called my mother in the middle of what’s her night since she’s an ER night nurse, and then fuck with her!?” Darcy was fuming, livid to a point heretofore unseen by the residents of the tower. She was known for being one of the most easy going people you would ever meet, and had no problem taking a joke when it came to herself since she could dish it out just as well, but it was becoming expressly clear that you did not mess with her mother.

“Well then maybe she shouldn’t have fucked with me by not telling me I had a daughter!” Tony shouted back, Darcy’s anger spurring his own.

“You’re the genius in the room, maybe you should do the math and realize that my mom was doing you a favor!” Darcy countered marching right up to Tony and getting in his face. “You’re forty three, I’ll be twenty four in November,” she pushed his phone into his chest with more force than was strictly necessary. “And if that’s not enough reason why you should be grateful, here’s the real winning number. My mom celebrated the big four oh this year.”

The color visibly drained from Tony’s face, as the geniuses in the room let out a soft collective oh, the rest of the group only a moment behind in their number crunching. Even Thor who had little reason to know anything about the legalities of sleeping with a minor, cringed when he realized just how young Darcy’s mother had been.

Tony didn’t know why he hadn’t run the numbers already, but he quickly realized that he was nineteen when Darcy was born, just a few months before his parents had died and he took up the mantel at Stark Industries. His first thought was to shudder at what his father would have done to him had he known. The second was that dealing with the scandal of finding out he had an illegitimate child could have destroyed his career before it even started. Who knows if the Board would have blocked him becoming CEO at twenty if he was in the middle of that PR nightmare. Oh god, Darcy’s mother was seventeen when she was born. The company wouldn’t have even been his biggest problem if he had been arrested for statutory rape.

“Still want to brag about sleeping with younger women?” Darcy deadpanned. “Because a sixteen year old, that’s pretty bad Tony, even for you.”

“I didn’t-” he stopped himself. He couldn’t even say he didn’t know because frankly he couldn’t remember.

Without another word to anyone, Tony turned and walked out of the room.

Darcy sighed heavily, all the righteous indignation draining out of her shoulders. “Well, that could have gone better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that went well don't you think? 
> 
> Don't crucify Tony quite yet, there is definitely more to that story which will come out in the next. It was actually going to be part of this chapter but it started running long and I didn't want to make you guys wait too much longer. So more explanations next time...
> 
> I'm going to try to keep on schedule of posting a chapter of something every week but I'm going out of town twice to two different places in the next two and a half weeks so things are going to be a little hectic but I'll do my best :)
> 
> In the mean time let me know what you thought!!!!


	4. No Such Thing As Too Much Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know how many of you have also been reading my The Martian story (I know of at least a few of you that overlap), but the next chapter isn't ready yet (the holidays cut into my writing time) and since it's Monday I wanted to post something and this chapter was almost ready... If you're not reading that story then I suppose you dont care about that and I hope you're excited for this chapter regardless lol... This chapter ended up a lot longer than I was expecting because Tony and Darcy got super chatty and would just not shut up but I guess you wont complain about that either... Anyways I hope you enjoy!

Nobody moved to stop Tony as he left the room, the balcony doors opening and closing behind him silently.

"Well shit," Darcy groaned. "I guess I should probably go talk to him."

"Or you could not," Clint interjected, disgust thinly veiled in his voice.

Darcy looked at her friends and saw that same revulsion on all of their faces, some more clearly than others.

"Hang on now, everyone needs to dial the murder faces back about ten notches. Don't judge him too harshly," she sighed. "I made it sound worse than it was. Don't get me wrong I'm not excusing it at all. And what he did was wrong yes, but it wasn't entirely his fault." Another survey of her friends told her they still weren't feeling too forgiving. "Let's just say I've had these," she gestured to her chest, "since I was twelve and I came by them honestly. When my mom told me the story she fully admitted that she lied about her age. And if you ever saw a picture of her when she was sixteen you'd have no problem believing it either."

The others still looked skeptical, but no one looked murderous anymore, so that would have to do for now. "Now if you'll excuse me I think I need to go talk a man off the ledge."

Following Tony's steps, Darcy crossed the room and headed outside. The man in question was standing at railing on the far side of the balcony staring out at the skyline as the summer sun set over the city. He didn't acknowledge her arrival, but she could see by the tensing of her shoulders that he knew she was there.

"Don't do anything rash now," she called at his back.

"Why, would you miss me?" Tony asked snarkily, not turning around.

"Well sure," Darcy said in the same tone. "But dude, it's mainly because if you jumped the day we confirmed that I'm your only known living relative and heir, there is no way in hell that I could convince the world that I didn't push you."

At that Tony actually laughed and turned to glance at Darcy who had sidled up next to him at the railing. "You're not wrong," he said wryly. "Patricide isn't a good look for you."

"Neither is jail house orange," she retorted with a smirk, before joining him in watching the sun set. She spent so much time in the Tower that sometimes she took for granted just how amazing the view was from it. They stood together in silence for several long moments before Darcy spoke again. "I didn't handle that as well as I could have in there," she admitted softly.

"That would make two of us," Tony agreed, admitting his part in the mess of what happened.

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have been so harsh," she continued. "I was pissed off so I purposely said it in the most inflammatory way possible and that wasn't cool."

"But it was the truth wasn't it," he countered, turning towards her. "I mean I was nineteen, slept with a sixteen year old girl, got her pregnant, and never even thought about her again while she was busy raising my child. The facts are pretty inflammatory all on their own."

Darcy matched his stance. "Yeah, but it's not completely your fault. I mean yes, it takes two people to make a baby. But at least don't beat yourself up for the fact that Mom was so young. Mom was a bit of a wild child who happened to grow up in Spring Break central. I'm sure you didn't think you needed to check IDs at a bar during the annual college coed pilgrimage to Ft. Lauderdale."

Tony just shrugged noncommittally and turned back to look out at the city. "I should have been more responsible."

"If you had been more responsible, then I wouldn't exist," she pointed out, bumping her shoulder into his.

"You make a valid point there," Tony conceded.

"And since I'm pretty fond of existing," she continued, "I'm gonna give you a pass. Just this once."

He rolled his eyes, "Thanks kiddo." The familiar but now loaded endearment slipped out unthinkingly, and he glanced at her face to catch her reaction. But when all she did was smirk up at him, he relaxed.

"You know, I don't remember never _not_ knowing that my dad wasn't my biological dad," Darcy said conversationally, she wasn't exactly sure where she was going with this story, but she kept talking anyway. "There were wedding pictures all over the house and I was in them. And I grew up hearing the story of how my parents got together and how I was responsible for them meeting."

Tony arched one eyebrow and Darcy saw the question in his eyes so she elaborated without him having to ask.

"After my mom turned up 16 and pregnant, she didn't get a trashy reality show on MTV. Instead my grandmother shipped her off to live with her parents in New Mexico," she explained. "When I was nine months old, my great grandmother was watching me while my mom was at work, she was standing on a step ladder cleaning when she slipped and fell, breaking her hip. She was able to get to a phone to call 911, but she wasn't able to get me from my crib and by the time the paramedics got there I was screaming. My dad was the rookie EMT on the crew, it was only his second week on the job so he was the one who got sent to go get me. Apparently, he was the baby Darcy whisperer because I stopped crying the second he picked me up. Once they got my Nana to the hospital he tried to hand me over to the social worker on duty, but the way the story goes I started screaming whenever he tried to put me down or give me to anyone else. It was the end of his shift so he stayed at the hospital and took care of me for hours until they could finally get ahold of my mom. My mom ended up asking my dad out for coffee to thank him for watching me, and the rest was history."

"Anyways," Darcy said done with her aside, "it wasn't some deep dark secret. It just never really mattered to me and I didn't think about it much. My dad was my dad and that was all there was to it. I do remember asking my mom about it once I was old enough to wonder, but she told me she had no idea who my biological dad was. She turned my conception into a cautionary tale about the dangers of lying to your parents, underage drinking, and becoming sexually active too young."

"Did it work?" Tony asked curiously.

"You bet your ass it did," Darcy said with a laugh. "As much as I love my mom and my hometown I had big dreams. I wanted to go to college, see the world and have grand adventures and do all the things my mom couldn't do because she had a baby before she graduated high school. I couldn't wait to get out of New Mexico. Which makes it even more ironic that the only reason I applied to Jane's internship because it was close enough to home that I could visit my mom on weekends, since I wasn't able to go home for the summer, and that's where all my crazy adventures I wanted so bad started. All I wanted was six science credits I was missing, and instead I tazed Thor, which led me to SHIELD, who sent me to New York, which led me to working with the Avengers where I got bit by an irradiated rat, in the building built by biological father who happens to be Iron Man."

Tony looked at her through narrowed eyes. "You don't live a normal life."

Darcy glanced over at Tony with an arched brow and a smirk curling up one side of her mouth. "I think it's safe to say that it runs in the family."

"Well, you're not wrong," he replied with an almost identical smirk. "Normal is boring and overrated anyways."

Darcy didn't think Tony had any concept of what normal actually was, but she didn't say it. Instead they fell into a companionable silence as they watched the lights flick on in the buildings around them as the sun dipped below the horizon.

"I'm not mad at your mother. I believe you when you say that she kept you a secret from me out of both of our best interests. But I keep trying to imagine what would have happened if I had known about you," Tony finally said. "I can't."

"There's a lot of variables," she said in way of agreement.

"I might have fucked everything up and been a terrible absentee father and you would hate me more than I hated my own father," Tony mused. "Or maybe if I had known I had a daughter it would have forced me to grow up and I could have avoided a lot of mistakes I made along the way. And we could have had a relationship your whole life."

"That would have been nice, but maybe the choices you made in that life meant that for whatever reason you never became Iron Man and the entire island of Manhattan got nuked during the Battle of New York," she countered. "You're a futurist, stop thinking about the past. I know you, the what-ifs are going to drive you crazy. I'm here, you're here, I don't resent you, and you never had to change diapers. We can't go back, so we better just go forward and quite frankly things could be a lot worse. So my vote is we go back inside, make fun of everyone for thinking that we might not actually realize that they've all been talking about us since we left the room, have another drink and get the party going again."

Tony looked at her for a long moment, seeing her with new eyes. "You're pretty smart kiddo."

"I'm glad you've already got that figured out," she grinned, already heading back inside.

And just like she predicted, the moment the pair crossed over the threshold all conversation ground to halt. Darcy glanced up at Tony with a knowing smirk which he returned in kind before fully entering the room.

"Wow, you guys didn't even try for subtle," Tony snarked, making his way over to the bar to make another drink.

"Not even a little bit," Darcy agreed. "Did you guys want us to go back outside so you can keep talking about us?"

"What! No," Jane exclaimed. "We were just-"

"Talking about us," Darcy repeated, a bemused expression on her face as she returned to her abandoned dinner.

"No," Jane tried to deny again. "We were just…. Okay we were talking about you."

From the bar Tony snorted into his glass of scotch.

"I think we're all just wondering how this is going to change the dynamic around here," Bruce admitted honestly.

"Who says it's going to change anything?" Darcy countered. "We're still the same people we were this morning. And we've known each other for a long time. It's not like we're just meeting. This doesn't change the status quo."

"Of course, this is going to change things," Natasha interjected. "But only time will tell how."

Darcy disagreed, but she wasn't going to sit here and fight about it. "We'll see," she shrugged and flipped the lid of her pizza box shut, it was time to keep the night moving. "Yo, Hawkguy flip cup rematch?"

"Oh you're on Lewis," Clint said perking up from where he was perched on the back of the couch. "I call Nat!"

"I call Steve!" Darcy claimed her own teammate.

"I'll grab the plastic cups," Steve offered, going to grab the solo cups that were kept in the bar for this exact purpose.

"Hey JARVIS? Be a bro and put my party play mix on would ya?" Darcy asked the AI.

"Of course Miss Lewis."

Soon enough the party was back into full swing and everyone was having a good time, an unspoken agreement to put all discussions about the new familial status of two of their inner circle, on the back burner for the night. Of course it didn't escape anyone's notice that the usually verbose Tony spent the rest of the evening uncharacteristically quiet unless directly addressed. But given the circumstances everyone was willing to give him a pass on it. Darcy however, was having no problems keeping up with the others late into the night.

"Okay kids, it's been fun, but I think it's time this girl to head home before she turns into a pumpkin," Darcy announced as the party started winding down.

"Just stay here tonight," Jane called from the couch where she was laying with her head in Thor's lap.

Darcy considered it for half a minute before dismissing the idea with a shake of her head. "I would but I have some paperwork back at my apartment I need for work tomorrow."

"I'll drive you home," Tony offered.

"Oh, that's okay I can take the train. And since when do you offer to drive anyone anywhere at one in the morning. Wake up Happy maybe…" she joked.

"It's late, I'll drive you." Tony repeated, ignoring the whole second half of her statement.

"No really, its fine," Darcy assured him. "I take the subway this late all the time."

"Darcy."

"Tony."

"Really I think all of us would be more comfortable if one of us escorted you home," Steve interjected, cutting through the tension. "If you insist on taking the train across town I'll go with you."

Darcy looked away from her staring match to glance over at Steve and then back at Tony. It was tempting since she was dying to know exactly what Steve meant by that whole 'my girl' comment earlier, since she had never gotten a chance to corner him about it, but it was also clear that Tony wanted her away from the rest of the gang and that seemed like the more delicate situation at present.

"Thanks Steve, but it'll be faster to just get a ride from Tony."

Steve nodded but leaned in and lowered his voice before speaking again, "Do you think we could go get coffee tomorrow? There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Darcy smiled up at him, "Of course, I'm gonna be in the labs tomorrow so just come find me whenever."

He returned her smile and opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could the moment was interrupted by an obnoxiously fake cough from inside the elevator where Tony was already waiting for her. Darcy glanced back at Steve to roll her eyes, but she waved her goodbyes and called her goodnights to the group as a whole as she grabbed her bag and jogged over to the impatient billionaire.

"Are you even okay to drive?" she thought to ask as they descended to the garage, it had been a party after all.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Tony assured her. "I was babysitting that last drink for the last couple hours."

Darcy nodded and turned back to face the doors. Although she hadn't specifically monitoring his alcohol intake, it had been awhile since she had seen him at the bar pouring himself a new glass. That and she trusted JARVIS to both know if Tony's BAC was too high to drive.

They didn't speak again as the elevator deposited them in the garage and he led them to the Bugatti. And except for Tony asking where he was taking her, they stayed silent as they left the Tower and began their trek across town.

It took a couple stolen glances across the car for Darcy to decipher the look on Tony's face until she finally realized that he was working himself up to say something. The reason he had insisted he drive her home was because he had something he wanted to say to her away from the others and now he couldn't get himself to say it. She didn't recognize it at first because it was an expression that to her knowledge, was foreign to him, since speaking his mind was never something he struggled with. She gave him a few more minutes to self-start before she got impatient.

"Whatever you wanna say, you should probably just say," she blurted. "At this time of night it's not going to take very long to get to my building and then you will have gotten me away from the others for nothing."

Tony shot her an unimpressed look from the corner of his eye before he refocused on the red light they were currently stopped at.

"You do _like_ me right?" he finally asked in a rush, his fingers drumming rhythmically against the steering wheel. "I mean, would you consider us friends?"

"Of course I do Tony," she reassured him, before turning the question around on him. "Do you like me?"

"There's a very short list of people that I don't actively dislike, let alone that I can honestly say I care about," he replied truthfully. "And you've been on that list for a while now."

Darcy grinned, "Thanks Tony."

But he wasn't done yet. "I know you're an adult and the last thing you probably want or need is another parent sprung on you at this stage in your life."

She considered his statement for a beat, "There's no such thing as too much family."

"It's been a long time since I've had _any_ family," Tony countered as the light turned green. "Actual blood related family. And it's been even longer since I liked any of my family. Honestly, I don't even remember what that feels like."

He trailed off for a long moment and this time Darcy patiently waited him out. She knew he had a complicated relationship with his parents, his father especially, but he was always flippant about it. She'd never seen him allow himself any vulnerability.

"But I'd like to give it a shot," he finally said, glancing at her in the passenger seat. "Obviously I'm not going to ask you to call me Dad or change your name or anything stupid like that. But, if you're willing, I'd like to spend more time with you. We're already friends, I'd like to try family."

Darcy was genuinely touched, she knew how hard it was for Tony to put himself out on the line emotionally. She was fairly confident that Pepper and probably Rhodey were the only other members of their circle to see this side of him. She reached out to pat the hand that he had resting on the stick shift.

"I'd like that Tony," she smiled at him when he glanced over again. "I'd like that a lot."

"Good," he said letting out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding as he grinned back at her. "Great. It's going to be awesome."

"Of course it is," she agreed easily. "We're both awesome on our own, so together the awesome multiplies exponentially."

"Wait until I tell Pepper."

Darcy looked mildly alarmed. While she was on friendly terms with the CEO, they weren't particularly close and she had always been a little in awe of the older woman, joking that she wanted to be just like her when she grew up. Now she was her biological father's girlfriend and that put a completely different spin on things. "How do you think she's going to take it?" she asked.

"I think it's a safe bet to say she'll be surprised," Tony shrugged, weren't they all. "But she already adores you."

"She does?"

"Of course. She was just saying not too long ago how much easier her life became once you started running herd on all of us," Tony smirked. "Of all the potential 'you are the father' scenarios that I have no doubts have crossed her mind at some point, you are the best possible outcome."

Darcy turned that over in her mind a couple of times. "I think that was a compliment?"

"It was."

"Okay good, just checking," she laughed. "You gonna call her?"

Tony considered it for a moment. "No," he finally said pulling up to the curb in front of her building. "She won't be home for a couple of weeks, but I think this is more of an in person conversation."

"I think you're probably right about that one. Anyway, thanks for the ride Tony, but my bed is calling my name," Darcy said reaching for the door handle.

"I'll walk you up," he announced, already turning off the ignition.

"That's not necessary," she assured him. "My building is right here."

Tony peered out the windshield looking around at the neighborhood like it was a foreign country. "I think it is."

"You don't spend a lot of time on the west side do you," Darcy said with a smirk.

"No, I can't say that I do."

"You're parked in a red zone," she pointed out.

"It'll be fine for ten minutes," he countered. "And if not, I can afford the ticket."

Darcy shook her head, but relented. She knew when to pick her arguments. "Well fine, if you're going to walk me up lets go."

Grabbing her bag, she climbed out of the car, Tony only a few steps behind her. As soon as they hit the lobby, his face crumpled as the smell hit him.

"I know, I know," she shrugged, "it takes some getting used to. I think something died in the walls a couple weeks ago, its better once you get on the elevator."

Tony didn't say anything, but dutifully followed her onto the elevator making a point of not touching anything. "Has anyone from the tower been here before?" he asked as she hit the button for the 5th floor. "Jane or Steve?"

"Clint has," she replied with a shrug. "He helped me move my couch in when I got it."

"Of course he did," Tony muttered under his breath. "And of course he wouldn't see a problem with any of this."

They stepped off the elevator and were greeted by the sounds of screaming coming down from the end of the hall. What Tony noticed even more than the shouting was the fact that Darcy didn't seem to notice it at all.

"Is that a concern?" he questioned as the screams raised in pitch, and he was able to pick out that the fight has something to do with eggplant parmesan. "Should I be telling Jarvis to call the police?"

"Nah," Darcy replied, digging her keys out of her bag. "That's just Ruben and Robyn. This is an almost daily event with them. Honestly, I think they enjoy it."

"So screaming about Italian food is like foreplay for them?"

"God I hope not," Darcy said shooting a disgusted look over her shoulder as she slipped her key into the lock. "They're brother and sister, twins actually. Unfortunately you're not that far off, trust me if you meet them they definitely give off a Flowers in the Attic vibe."

"I'm just going to have to take you word for it, as I would like to avoid meeting them at all costs."

"That's probably for the best," she agreed, as she opened the door to her apartment and stepped through it.

"This is seriously where you live?" Tony asked hovering in the doorway, the horror clear on his face. "This isn't some sort of elaborate joke you're playing on me right now."

"Yes, I just happened to have the keys to a random apartment on the off chance that I you would offer to drive me home tonight and insist on walking me to my door," Darcy replied sarcastically, flicking on a couple of mismatched lamps and tossing her messenger bag onto the futon. "This is home sweet home."

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, you are absolutely not living here," he replied looking at a suspicious dark spot in one corner of the kitchen. "Is that mold? Has no one informed you of the dangers of toxic mold? For one, it's toxic!"

"Yeah, I've been meaning to spray some bleach on that. But bleach is heavy and half the time the elevator it out of order," she shrugged.

"Yeah, no, not living here," Tony stated again. "SHIELD does pay you right? You're not just squatting here. You actually pay rent to live in this flop house."

"Yes, I pay rent. No, I'm not squatting here. And to be honest, I'm pretty sure I can only afford this place because this neighborhood got hit pretty hard when you and the gang rumbled with the Chitauri," she told him. "So I guess I should actually be thanking you for that."

Tony looked positively dismayed at the idea that he was somehow inadvertently responsible for her deplorable living conditions. "Clearly we didn't hit this neighborhood hard enough, because I'm pretty sure this whole building should be condemned and ripped down."

"Hey now," Darcy said defensively. "While I admit that this isn't the most ideal of living conditions, it's only temporary. And like I said it's the most I could afford on a SHIELD flunky's salary and a mountain of student debt. Well without roommates, and those craigslist ads are just scary. There was one guy who was asking for a roommate that didn't mind if the tub was occasionally filled with marinara sauce. I am not about to live with spaghetti boy. So yes it's a shit hole, but it's my shit hole."

"Then you're going to have to deal with some superheroes for roommates because I'm not leaving you here," Tony said decisively, crossing his arms over his chest. "I have plenty of guest rooms until we get an apartment of your own situated."

"Whoa there cowboy," Darcy brought her hands up to indicate it was time for a full stop. "I know we just talked about being family and all, but just because you found out you were the lucky sperm donor that went towards creating the awesomeness that is me, does not mean that you can suddenly start dictating my life. I'm a young independent woman making it on her own in the big bad city. I've long since moved out of my mother's house, I'm not about to move into yours."

"Okay one, I dictate the life of everyone around me, you're not that special and my sperm has nothing to do with it. And two, it's not like I'm telling you to move in so I can monitor what you watch on TV and enforce a curfew. I mean you have met me right?"

"I just don't want it-"

"Darcy," Tony cut her off. "If I had seen where you were living before I found out you shared half my DNA, I still wouldn't have let you live here. Besides you're at the tower for work most days anyways and when you're not working you're there with either Jane or Steve so much that it's past time you had your own room anyways. Frankly I don't know why you didn't move in when Jane did. And you do have half my chromosomes so I know you're not stupid. Are you really going to pass up free rent in the most awesome building in midtown?"

Darcy considered this for a long moment. It would be nice to have an apartment that didn't smell like curry every time her downstairs neighbors cooked. Or where she didn't get woken up by the dog that lived across the hall every time a siren went by. And frankly the more distance she could put between herself and Robyn and Ruben the better. To have shower that she didn't feel like she had to wear flip flops in would just be a bonus at that point.

Plus, Tony wasn't wrong about how much time she currently spent at the Tower. She had crashed out on the couch enough times after movie nights that she had taken to keeping an emergency overnight bag in Jane and Thor's rooms. And if she wasn't paying rent, which was ridiculously high, even for this hole, she would be able to pay off her bills in about half the time _and_ she would be able to treat herself to those really amazing boots she had her eye on.

She sighed, a little annoyed with herself for giving in so easily. "I guess I could join the Island of Misfit Toys."

"Fantastic," Tony clapped his hands, happy to be getting what he wanted. "Pack a bag for a couple of days and lets get, I can already feel the spores making homes in my lungs. I'll send movers for the rest of your stuff on Monday. On second thought I don't know if I want anything that has been sitting in this cesspool in my house. Maybe we'll just burn it all and I'll buy you new crap."

"No Tony."

"Fine, hazmat team it is then. But no furniture, only personal belongings, wherever you end up in the tower will already be furnished by something other than homeless chic."

"Fine," Darcy conceded, most of her furniture was a collection of thrift store finds. And not the trendy 'look at how bohemian and funky my decorating is' thrift store, but more 'just try not to think too hard about what that mysterious stain is' thrift store.

"You can send movers, but I'll be packing my own boxes," she countered. "I don't want strangers rifling through my underwear drawer."

"Good, I'll be waiting in the hall," he glanced at the hall in question. "Actually, I'll be waiting in the car. With the air purification system running."

Darcy rolled her eyes as Tony practically fled her apartment. Earths Mightiest Heroes indeed. But she moved quickly in grabbing a duffle bag out from her closet and throwing the things she would need for the next few days inside of it. She hadn't been lying in saying that she was looking forward to going to bed, and if she wasn't going to be able to do that here, then there was no point in sticking around longer than she had to.

With her bag slung over her shoulder she was halfway down the hall to the elevator when she remembered that she hadn't grabbed the paperwork she had come home for in the first place. With a sigh she jogged back to her apartment, ran inside grabbed the files that were sitting on the coffee table, shoved them into her messenger bag with her lap top and was headed back towards the elevator only pausing to lock the door behind her. All in all it was less than twenty minutes from the time she got out of the car to the time she was sliding back into the passenger seat.

"So," Tony said as he pulled away from the curb before she could even get her seatbelt on. "How much you want to bet that if we go back through the commons everyone is still in there talking about us?"

"There's no way I'm taking that bet," Darcy scoffed. "I'm not stupid, I'm a Stark remember?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think?! Did everyone figure out where Darcy lives? I couldn't resist slipping that little reference in :D And would you look at that, it only took me four chapters to get through one day! LOL Anyways I hope you enjoyed it!


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